I find I am growing hard
Not calcified like age
But protective crust like pearl
To protect the soft
I am craggy as a cliff
Unyielding and coiled protectively
About these unhatched eggs
I must defend with back and snarl
With cold hearted, clear eyed, Real.
It is so difficult to get on with it.
To get up and keep slugging.
I want to pull the covers up
And stay in soft numb sleep
And not to face the mounting
Bills, Reality, its rapacious teeth
Tearing at the dreams and hopes.
I am letting go, saying goodbye
To soft silly wants.
Get food on the table;
Make the mortgage by a hair;
No, No, No keep practicing denial
Look away from pretty things
To keep the longing away
Unplug the feelings of loss and pain
So they cannot overcome,
Putting one step after the other
Taking things off the list
Getting through the day
Slipping down the slope
Of class and privilege—the having
Trying not to look back at what
Past Tense, I had. Trying not to uphold
The former standard
Trying to be grateful that at least
It is not
Being hard, being lean.
It has to count for something.