waving the white flag

My job is up for being cut as a budget saving measure, and its been stressed that we should mind our p's and q's during the limbo period while the decision is being made. So of course today I am late in to the office because I have to find the math pages, help my LD kid finish homework, find some field trip permission slip that apparently never came home, and essentially making myself nuts with the administrative duties of keeping up with three active kids and two folks with ADHD--so I surrender--in the spirit of the memos I have been getting:

To my children’s school and activities:

Due to budget cuts and recent organizational restructuring, we have lost the children’s personal servants and secretarial positions. We ask your tolerance moving forward as we continue to support their educational and social-emotional progress. Due to recent shifts in the economic outlook, our organization has returned to its core business of food, clothing, shelter, medical care and unconditional love, as well as values training.
In practical terms this means that future communication with our offices should be in electronic form. Do not rely on voice mails because the staff servicing the phones has been eliminated. We have found the United States postal service to be unreliable. An email address has been provided for your convenience but be aware that it has a spam filter and limited storage capacity. We are no longer staffed with detectives who can hunt down flyers and missives. Alternatively, you may post information to updated detailed calendars and websites which will be accessed by our newly outsourced assistant staff. Please note that the children’s personal homework and sales staff was also phased out. They are now completely responsible for those tasks themselves and we ask that they be realistic and developmentally appropriate. If there is a product you wish the children to sell, please train them accordingly and accept some range of mathematical discrepancies that are bound to occur. Discretionary fund budgets have been cut entirely and each child is responsible for their own revenue stream. Requests for volunteers will be forwarded to our service department for evaluation and allocation. The number of hours available has been severely curtailed. We thank you for your patience as we move through this exciting period of change.....